I love amateur sports. I follow Masters and collegiate rowing, and every year attend the first sessions of the men's NCAA basketball tournament. I'll watch most events on TV during the Olympic years. I have even developed an appreciation for curling (I once spent about half an hour on ESPN.com trying to find an update on a curling event)! They don't make it easy. No big tabs at the top of the page for Curling. I will admit to disappointment if the only event available in my coverage area is synchronized swimming. But as a former competitive swimmer, I can appreciate the conditioning and stamina required to do what they do.
The one sport that makes my skin crawl is Equestrian Jumping. Maybe its my Irish heritage, but I feel if I have an Equestrian event on the tube for more than 60 seconds I am somehow legitimizing the sport (sport?). I am validating the Royalty vs Serf hierarchy. I am kneeling for the Queen and admitting that centuries of inbreeding is the proper prerequisite for a county's highest office. I actually surfed the USEF site United States Equestrian Federation. I don't know about you, but sport authority home pages with giant adds for Rolex Platinum and a big tab for Validation are like restaurant menus without prices. In fact, no where on the site's home page do they even "spell out" USEF- if you don't know, you don't belong. I'm assuming its a Federation, but it might be a Fellowship with separate handshakes, ring tones or taps of the foot. There are separate application forms for riders and horses. I imagine they want the complete breeding lineage for both.
We Commoners lost Women's Softball as an Olympic event, so I think we are owed a sport. I'm proposing Mule and Donkey Jumping. Visit America's Most Widely Visited Donkey and Mule Website! and join up! We'll start a movement! The Minnesota Donkey and Mule Association was started in the early 70's with the Mission Statement "To promote donkeys and mules". This club came about after a horse show:
- "let" us show mules during their intermission, with the horse show judge judging a halter class. A little boy came out of the ring with his little mule crying. Bud Burnap asked the boy was wrong. The little boy replied that the judge eliminated him "because I don't have nice enough clothes".
You can't make up stuff as good as this!
How it Works.... The mules in the jumping classes are grouped by animal height, with mules in a certain height range competing against each other. The initial jump is made by setting the jump at the chest height of the smallest mule in the class. The bar is a smooth PVC pipe sitting on dowels which knocks down easily should the mule bump it, thereby avoiding any injury to the mule. The mule must enter a boxed area behind the jump, come to a standstill, then has a time limit in which to make the jump. The animal gets two attempts if it either runs out of time, steps out of the box, or knocks down the jump. As mules are eliminated, the winner is left. The bar is raised in 2" intervals. Mules love to jump.
The Membership application form is very simple, name, address and $10.00 gets you in. No family trees or breeding charts required! They don't even ask if you have a watch. $16.00 gets you a tee shirt with a great graphic of a donkey. No Rolex advertisements here!
Be warned: There is a certain degree of decorum required during some competitions. The Western Pleasure classes do demand a western hat, boots and the proper leads to be taken by the mule.
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